How To Break Free From The Money Story That Is Holding You Back
There are three things to consider when you want to do bigger things. 1. How might your money story be holding you back? How do the people around you, whether explicitly or subconsciously, influence how you see the world and therefore what you think is possible? 3. Have you said goodbye to your old identities? The ones that no longer serve you? EVEN though those identities have kept you safe for so long, it’s time to say goodbye and step into your new identity.
It’s is not easy, but it’s incredibly important.
My personal money story
I am a first generation Latina who grew up in a trailer. I was on food stamps growing up, and we didn’t have an AC or heater unit like a lot of the people around me at that age. And even with all of these things, I never realized I was low income until I was older.
I remember this time when I was in high school, and I was unknowingly wearing a knockoff Burberry jean jacket. A white girl ran up to me, and she checked my tag. She didn’t even ask me, can I check your tag?
She just grabbed the back of my jacket and checked the tag. And she was like, is that Burberry? All I know is that my mom had got me a cute jean jacket en la ropa de segunda, and it was cute, so I wore it.
That was it. I had no idea what she was talking about, and thankfully, because I had no idea, I actually wasn’t offended or self-conscious when that girl said to herself, oh, no, it’s not Burberry’.
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So I don’t remember exactly when I realized that I had grown up low-income, but I do know that when I finally realized it, it kind of shook me a little bit, and I held on to that realization, like an identity, like, ‘oh, I grew up low-income. I am a first-generation person. My parents are immigrants.
I am low-income’. I started to focus on all of the things that I didn’t have. So, for example, I had no help during college as a young adult because I moved away from my parents, and so I didn’t have help when to apply to college or fill out the applications for FAFSA or anything like that. Again, I moved away for college, so my parents couldn’t help me with housing, as in they couldn’t give me money, they couldn’t help me look for an apartment, I couldn’t live with them rent-free, they didn’t gift me an old car, it was on me to buy my own vehicle.
And even just simple things, like if my car breaks down on the road, my parents are not here in San Antonio, they are four hours south of here, so I’m kind of on my own, right? And so, like I said, I held on to the identity of all of the things I didn’t have. At the same time, I took pride of the fact that my parents worked hard to provide for me. They worked so hard that I didn’t even know that I was low income.
I think for a little bit too, I was even bitter about it, like, ‘oh, must be nice’ kind of attitude.
From lack mindset to abundance mindset
And then there was a point where there was a shift, where I started to realize how privileged I was, even though I was lower income. For example, my parents trust me, so I was able and I’m still able to make decisions without having to consider too much how they will feel.
My dad has always said to me, ‘ustedes saben lo que hacen’, which means ‘you all know what you’re doing, I trust you’. I don’t have to worry about my parent’s judgments. They still judge me for some of my choices, but it’s not like they’re coming at me with grievances about it.
Luckily, my parents also don’t really ask me for anything. And so that in itself as a first generation daughter is an incredible privilege. We never went hungry as kids.
In fact, I remember my dad would always buy brand name things of necessity. So he wasn’t like out buying us crazy Burberry jackets, but he would buy us Crayola crayons instead of the rose art. And I even remember he would buy Morton salt instead of the generic Hill Country Fair salt.
This is privilege. Similarly, my mom worked really hard as well. I remember that I begged her for the Motorola razor, and it was like the first time that she had told me no.
But eventually, after I begged and begged and begged, she caved and bought it for me. I don’t even know how she did it, but she got me the razor phone. And again, knowing what I know now about our income level then, I feel sadness that I put my mom in that situation.
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Money beliefs set the ceiling for what’s possible
All this to say that I was a privileged low-income kid, compared to a lot of people. I work in schools now, the things that I see, I’m like, ‘Mariel, sure, you were lower income, but holy moly, there is a lot of people that have way less than you, had way less than you’. This realization has freed me a bit in that, yes, you grew up with less than some, but you also grew up with a lot more than some. Once I made that realization, I was able to have more of a lens of gratitude about my backstory, as opposed to a little bit of bitterness, a little bit of shock of, oh my god, I was low income and didn’t know.
That being said, my money story subconsciously influenced my 20s. I graduated from UTSA in 2014, and I was the first in my family to graduate college. So that in itself was already a huge accomplishment.
Now, I did know that I was to get a job, but I didn’t know how to go about it. No one in my family had ever had a salary. My parents, they worked multiple jobs and they were hourly jobs.
So I didn’t really know exactly what to do other than I’m graduating and I need to get a job. Now, I remember when I first graduated, I was kind of getting crickets. I did have one opportunity, but it wasn’t a job that I really wanted, and I said no to it.
And then I remember when I wasn’t getting hired or called, I was like, oh my god, I should have said yes to that job. So luckily, this recruiter reached out to me, and I was able to land a pretty cool job. But unfortunately, it was an AmeriCorps program, and my title was a volunteer.
And so this meant that I was getting paid a stipend, which averaged out to under minimum wage. But the good thing about it, quote unquote good thing about it, is that I did qualify for food stamps. So anyway, this first job, it sets my baseline, right?
Stuck in underearning via habits
I have a job, but here I am, making no money, just surviving. Fast forward to age 30. I’d never made more than 30K a year.
Now, I did have some really great experiences in my 20s, I went to grad school. I lived in Europe for a year and a half.
I was also a seasonal international trek guide. So, I was hired on a trek by trek basis, and I was able to be a co-guide in places like Portugal, Wales, Spain, life-changing experiences, which, by the way, I was the first in my family to fly out of the country. I am so incredibly privileged, right?
Great experience. But that being said, I was making under $30,000 until I was about 30. So what does that mean?
It means that I never really had any extra money. I could pay my bills, but not much else. And for whatever reason, I never noticed this trend.
I mean, I guess part of that was that I was having these incredible experiences, but I never paused to examine my income or question. Why am I not making more? How do I make more?
Do I even want to make more? I was used to my life. It was a habitual thing, and I was living very much on autopilot.
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The power of a mentor
Now, I mentioned to you that I had the opportunity to be a co-trek guide on these international treks, and this actually changed my life, not just because of the travel, but because of who I met while on that trek. As a proud Latina, this is so petty of me, y’all, because there are plenty of allies out there, but it does pain me a little bit to give so much credit to a straight white man. But this man, Andrew Bryan, he changed my life.
He was the first grown up that I witnessed interact with the world in a way that wasn’t from an immigrant way. So, for example, I saw that he was making money in different ways. He was working remotely while we were on our treks.
He would step out at dinner to take calls. He would tune in to school board meetings while we were on these treks. And so, I’m like, what?
- You’re traveling, right, with us. Like, part of this is your job. I don’t know how he got paid, but who, as an adult, as I never had seen it, who gets paid to travel, right?
- You’re even doing other gigs while you’re traveling. Like, you’re working remotely.
I had never seen that. And so, working with Andrew for a few years reshaped the possibilities that became known to me, because you have to remember, my parents, they’re something as simple as expressing a grievance. Like, let’s say, a water burger makes their order incorrectly.
That, as a Spanish native speaker, is different than if you’re a fluent English speaker. To an English speaker, it’s no big deal. Hey, I wanted the salad. You gave me the hamburger. But to a native Spanish speaker, you might just choose to eat the wrong thing, right? Because you can’t communicate as easily.
I remember that Andrew had this idea that he wanted to open his own non-profit. And I was like, cool. And then later on, boom, the Emerge Foundation just exists all of a sudden.
And I’m like, what? Hold on. So you’re telling me that we can have an idea and then we can just make it happen?
I had never witnessed anybody do this in front of my eyes. Like, I had always seen the end product but I’d never witnessed the idea transform into reality.
Working closely with Andrew, I was able to see how someone like him with, respectfully, the white male privilege could work in the world. And it got me thinking, I want to operate like that.
Can I operate like that? I know this sounds crazy, but when you’ve never seen it, you don’t know that it’s possible. And so, Andrew Bryan, thank you. I owe you a lot.
Money moves require gratitude and action
My money story kind of shook me for a little bit there. And when I came to terms with, yes, I grew up low income, and I grew up privileged, that allowed me to then take the idea of operating like another United States citizen, aka Andrew Bryan. Those two things together raised the ceiling of what I thought was possible.
Now comes the part where you let go of who you were and who you have been, and step into who you are now and who you are becoming. I am grateful for every single experience that I’ve had.
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Not having hot water as a kid, the boiling water on the stove, and having to pour that into a bucket of cold water to make warm water in the winter. Because you know what? I had a stove, I had electricity, we were able to make warm water.
I’m grateful for the trailer park. I’m grateful for working two low paying jobs out throughout my 20s because my bills were always paid, and I grew a work ethic. All of those experiences served me well.
They made me resourceful, they made me creative, they brought me to where I am today. But it is time to break up with that identity. The identity of hustle to survive.
This means that I need to stop playing defense, which is what I’ve been conditioned to do my entire life. I’m not going to stop being scared, but I need to stop letting it slow me down. It is scary to make these changes.
But the reality is that when I reflect, my money story has kept me safe, but it’s kept me small. And it’s just time to let go, to say thank you, to challenge my scarcity thoughts and to nurture those thoughts and those fears when they come up. It is time to go after bigger, bolder and better – EVEN when I’m scared.
Key Takeaways
- Our experience with money as children influences us as young adults and even as grownups. Growing up, I always saw my parents work long hours and multiple jobs. That made me normalize working two jobs to make ends meet as an adult. My question to you is, have you examined how your experience with money as a child may influence you currently? And if you haven’t, and even if you have, journal it out: What did you learn or observe as a kid, and how did that influence you as an adult? How does it continue to influence you? And is that influence serving you well? Or is it time to reimagine what certain money ideas or philosophies could look like?
- The second takeaway is that the people around you influence you. We’ve all heard that saying, you are the average of the five people around you, and it really is true. Are you in the right circles? Are the people are you inspiring you and taking the action you’d like to be taking? If not, find the circles that serve you and be inspired by them.
- Are you living in your past identity? Who are you today? Not what mistakes have you made in the past. Not why has it taken me so long to X, Y, or Z? Who are you today? How are you showing up today and tomorrow?
Personally, I have shared that I struggle with discipline, and so this year, I hired a business coach so that I can stay accountable and on track to meet my goals. It takes work to say goodbye to those old identities. You may stumble, and that’s okay. Put some supports in place to help you get back on track when you do.
Do what you got to do. You’ve got this.
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